Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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