i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
