I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
