No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
