Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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