he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
