Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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