i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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