from now on my penis is your penis
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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