Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
