I accidentally had phone sex last night
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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