I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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