As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
