Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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