dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
