Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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