I bet he comes in French.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
