Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
