So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
