A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
