I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
