your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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