im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
