Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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