drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm šš»š
We are so blessed
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why thereās always strippers at our house
Pro: thereās always strippers at our house
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