I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
