Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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