This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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