Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
