Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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