Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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