why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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