Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I understand Curling. That high.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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