I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
