do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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