we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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