Whatcha textin bout Willis?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
