At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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