Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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