did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
