i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
We smell like vodka and hangover
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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