Pregnant stripper...not hot.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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