I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
