bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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