so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm always down for nudity.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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