why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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