I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
