How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
