my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
