Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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