somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
