Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
