dude i'm inner monologue high
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
